Soph, I know I'm sort of a stranger on the internet but believe me when I say this: You are doing absolutely everything right. And I mean it. There's nothing no attain, nothing to prove, nothing to be besides a 21 year old girl. And in our day and age, in our suffocating western world, being a 21 year old girl is messy, beautiful, haunting, ephemeral, twisted, and suspiciously well-balanced.
These are things you get to see once you grow past that (note: not grow up, that's BS). It happens very suddenly, usually after a long period of dread and fast food binges. You realize that you're the person you'll spend the rest of your life with. So you sink into the mattress, take a deep breath, and start thinking that you might as well start appreciating yourself. And you do. And it's lovely.
that moment, when your therapist asks something simple but it cracks something deep open. i know that feeling too well. it’s wild how guilt becomes this silent narrator in your life, whispering “you should be better” at every turn, even when no one ever actually said it☹️🫶🏻
Your writing speaks to a part of my soul. I think sometimes it is genuinely hard for people to understand people like us, who feel and think with the depths of the ocean. Why do we react like this, why do we care about that? But when I read your writing I know there are others like me haha. Firstly I loved reading this essay your writing is beautiful, thought provoking and relatable. Not only that but you have such a way with words which so eloquently represents niche and complicated human emotions, I'm in awe. You could definitely be a successful publish author one day. On another note as a wise 24 year old, have you read The Power of Now? I know it might be a cliché as it's so popular but if you haven't read it already I'd highly recommend, it might help untangle some of the musings.
Also in regard to dating specially, I really like the advise of Tam Kaur on her youtube channel and podcast, this was an episode she did on dating: https://open.spotify.com/episode/1B9Lq6eAo3PsAY8NyxGzqr?si=kUAZtHbkSSSPrnm8FdjmNA she gives lots of great advice and some of it's fairly simple but she structures it well, easily digestible and actionable. All to do with self dating and maintaining independence etc. She does talk about detachment, which in some ways I struggle to whole heartedly get behind because like you, when I date I love hard, so take what is useful and leave the rest.
Keep doing what you're doing, can't wait to read more from you in the future <3
Feeling scared about harming my future self by doing very mundane young adult activities was the exact topic of therapy recently. If it's any consolation, my therapist said that everything I was feeling, wanting to experience and experiment but being afraid of my capacity to handle it, was "developedmentally appropriate". Which is to say "You're allowed to just be a 21 year old girl." I hope it helps someone else too <3
It really is all about breaking and putting yourself back together and being brave enough to become shattered again.
Soph, I know I'm sort of a stranger on the internet but believe me when I say this: You are doing absolutely everything right. And I mean it. There's nothing no attain, nothing to prove, nothing to be besides a 21 year old girl. And in our day and age, in our suffocating western world, being a 21 year old girl is messy, beautiful, haunting, ephemeral, twisted, and suspiciously well-balanced.
These are things you get to see once you grow past that (note: not grow up, that's BS). It happens very suddenly, usually after a long period of dread and fast food binges. You realize that you're the person you'll spend the rest of your life with. So you sink into the mattress, take a deep breath, and start thinking that you might as well start appreciating yourself. And you do. And it's lovely.
Ev this was lovely. What a beautiful way to experience the world. Thank you <3
that moment, when your therapist asks something simple but it cracks something deep open. i know that feeling too well. it’s wild how guilt becomes this silent narrator in your life, whispering “you should be better” at every turn, even when no one ever actually said it☹️🫶🏻
Your writing speaks to a part of my soul. I think sometimes it is genuinely hard for people to understand people like us, who feel and think with the depths of the ocean. Why do we react like this, why do we care about that? But when I read your writing I know there are others like me haha. Firstly I loved reading this essay your writing is beautiful, thought provoking and relatable. Not only that but you have such a way with words which so eloquently represents niche and complicated human emotions, I'm in awe. You could definitely be a successful publish author one day. On another note as a wise 24 year old, have you read The Power of Now? I know it might be a cliché as it's so popular but if you haven't read it already I'd highly recommend, it might help untangle some of the musings.
Also in regard to dating specially, I really like the advise of Tam Kaur on her youtube channel and podcast, this was an episode she did on dating: https://open.spotify.com/episode/1B9Lq6eAo3PsAY8NyxGzqr?si=kUAZtHbkSSSPrnm8FdjmNA she gives lots of great advice and some of it's fairly simple but she structures it well, easily digestible and actionable. All to do with self dating and maintaining independence etc. She does talk about detachment, which in some ways I struggle to whole heartedly get behind because like you, when I date I love hard, so take what is useful and leave the rest.
Keep doing what you're doing, can't wait to read more from you in the future <3
Feeling scared about harming my future self by doing very mundane young adult activities was the exact topic of therapy recently. If it's any consolation, my therapist said that everything I was feeling, wanting to experience and experiment but being afraid of my capacity to handle it, was "developedmentally appropriate". Which is to say "You're allowed to just be a 21 year old girl." I hope it helps someone else too <3
omg. “I have my sicknesses, but I am also just a human. Humans want to be loved.” beautiful, that just touches me.