august

31/07/2023

all these words of love 
my trail of joy 
but my head hurts and i can’t remember 

i can write over them
but i think i’ll never be able to touch them again

i felt that last time


it’s august tomorrow
and i am scared of the week
and they were right when they said my room would be cold 
but i didn’t expect it like this

my body is hot and wet 
and if i close my eyes it’s blood not sweat 
because i am tired of working 
just to feel how i think i did before


it’s august tomorrow 
and i am scared of the week
and when they said it was lonely i laughed
i was already alone

but i should have apologised 

i am sorry they felt like that 
i am sorry you felt like that
i’m so sorry i feel like this


every groan of the same bed he was in
i brush my fingertips on the soft cotton
but my head hurts and i can still remember
i can always remember 

I shouldn’t have apologised then 

I’ll never apologise again

hiiii. Old poem from 2 years ago which I was supposed to upload before midnight but alas. Happy August. It will be okay but it will be different.